If you’ve been on the receiving end of false allegations in a child custody dispute, you know the road ahead is tough. I’d like to share my story. It’s not easy re-living and sharing, but I know there are thousands of others who have dealt with the same and similar situations. You’re not alone, the pain is real, the loneliness is daunting, but we all must endure it, for our children.
The roughest, most uncertain season of my life appeared to have all but stabilized. The concept of being a single dad was new to me. Hours with my children were hard to come by since I just started working days at the hospital. Previously, I worked nights, and when I did have them on my days off, I felt like a zombie. I sacrificed the money to better my chances of having time with my kids on normal hours.
Post-divorce I had to live with my mom in a small 2-bedroom apartment. She was a busy woman but worked from home a lot. She’s a mandated reporter because she’s a licensed drug and alcohol counselor. I was adjusting to the new hefty child support payment and getting used to being separated. The time with my kids was always my first priority, and having those hours together really made my work week seem less painful.
I received a late night text on a Sunday evening from my ex letting me know the girls were extremely sick and vomiting and further stating they needed to stay home with her on Monday. Passively, I agreed they could stay home, but inside I was sad to not see them as I wanted to take care of them myself.
The next morning as I was getting ready to go on a run, there was a knock on the door. Looking at the clock, I was thoroughly confused who would be coming to see me at 8am on a Monday morning. I looked through the peephole in the door to see who it was. I saw two well-dressed men with brief cases, further confused, I opened the door to ask what they needed. The man on the left said: “Sir, can we have a word with you?” I welcomed them into the apartment completely baffled as to who they were and what they wanted with me. We sat down at the table, and the nightmare began to unfold.
I listened as the detectives began to state the claims made against me, claims of abusing my kids. I was filled with every emotion imaginable as the accusations kept flowing from their mouths, some of the most heinous and unthinkable allegations. As they continued, I began feeling nauseous. My ex accused me of all of these hideous, disgusting things, all – of course - without proof. As they were speaking to me, it was almost like they already knew these accusations were false. At one point, one detective even mentioned the lack of history on my record, as I have none.
An hour went by as we talked, and I answered their every question. At the end of it, they said they’d be in touch and they walked out. I stood there embarrassed, disgusted, enraged, and alone. My arms were numb, my heart stopped beating, and my eyes went blurry. I fell to my knees and sunk my head into my hands and so began the long, painful journey that my children and I have endured the last 3.5 years.
My ex had three different examinations performed on each of our children, and all three discredited the allegations. She went to the first doctor, told her story, the doctor examined our then 3 and 5 year old children and found nothing; two more times she had our daughters violated in order to try and give weight to her story, but each rape kit discredited her falsified story. Three times she put our children through this traumatizing torture of having our children violated when she knew her allegations were fabricated. It breaks my heart and makes me sick to my stomach knowing this has happened to my precious daughters.
I can’t imagine what goes through the mind of a parent who subjects their children to such an invasive and scary situation. Sadly, in a way, I consider myself lucky that charges were never officially filed against me. But, even worse, nothing was done for the actual abuse that was done to my daughters. She used the system, its flaws, and loopholes to “win” the custody battle. To her, the kids are hers, not ours, and she does not care what lengths she has to go or the damage she causes to our children in order to cut me out. Our children have no doubt been abused, not by me, but by the allegations and actions of my accuser.
To know my children and I are not alone fills me with despair, while also giving me an unexpected comfort. My drive to be strong is for my children and for all of us.
Thank you to our Simply Parent reader for allowing us to share their story. This piece was first published here, https://www.timetoputkidsfirst.org/the-horror-of-false-allegations.